


None of this is my fault

by QuietButNotSilent



Category: Men’s Football RPF
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - No Girlfriends/No Wives, Fluff and Crack, M/M, Serard Day
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-11
Updated: 2020-04-11
Packaged: 2021-03-01 20:35:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,478
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23593177
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/QuietButNotSilent/pseuds/QuietButNotSilent
Summary: Sergio and Gerard attempt to act like a normal couple when Sergio’s documentary is being filmed. Chaos ensues.
Relationships: Gerard Piqué/Sergio Ramos
Kudos: 32





	None of this is my fault

**Author's Note:**

> Happy Serard day!  
> [Originally posted 15/3/20]
> 
> Find me on tumblr

Oh, how Geri loves having a day working from home, but it’s not the work he enjoys, more the person he gets to be with. So what if all he can feel is the bend in the sofa’s armrest digging into his back, the very content Sergio in his lap more than makes up for it. 

Suddenly Geri decides to break the silence, “so you know the doctumentary?”

“Yeah?”

“Are we going to have to be a perfectly happy couple?” Gerard questions innocently.

Sergio turns around to look at him, “I mean,” he hesitates as he knows their relationship is anything but normal, “we can try?”

“It’s going to be chaos.”

And that’s when Sergio starts to grow defensive, “it doesn’t have to be!”

His boyfriend just looks at him, words aren’t needed.

“Don’t you dare,” Sergio states giving Gerard a death stare to end all death stares.

“Nothing that takes place is my fault,” he says with a little twinkle in his eye that more often than not means he’s planning something.

“Geri,” Sergio deadpans, trying to be serious but he can’t help but break into a smile, the look on Gerard face just too infectious to resist. 

Geri just laughs in response, looking at Sergio with no intention of giving reassurance.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Why does filming have to be so complicated? Sergio asks himself, and more to the point why did he agree to it? The entire process just drags and drags and drags, and as nice as the camera person is, Sergio is well and truly bored. He resorted to zoning out and just nodding at everything Pilar said a long time ago.

“So all we need you to do is go in, and wake him up just like you normally would.”

Sergio’s neck snaps up to look at her, breaking out of his trance, “Oh. That’s way easier than what I expected.”

Pilar knows he’s not really been listening, “what did you think we’d ask?” She queries, a little apprehensive but after hearing some of the weird stuff the two men get up to she finds this to be a perfectly rational way of thinking.

“To do it cutely or something,” Sergio shrugs playing with his watch strap, his eyes travelling back down to the floor.

“You say that as if there’s something abnormal about how things usually happen...”

“You’ll see,” is the only response Pilar gets as Sergio laughs, knowing things are only going to go downhill.

~~~~~~~~~~~ 

Sergio opens their bedroom door slowly, the creak of the door hinge cutting through the silence despite his best efforts to prevent it, _so much for subtlety. ___

__“Morning sweetheart.”_ _

__Seeing that his boyfriend didn’t give any response, Sergio just walks closer to him and moves to open the curtains, natural light always seems to work when words fail. However this time, the action was done a tad too dramatically and the rail falls, narrowly missing Sergio’s head and drawing a small shriek from him._ _

__Still no movement from Gerard._ _

__Forgetting he needs to be calm for the cameras, Sergio yells, “who’s idea was it to buy this piece of shit??”_ _

__And of course it’s this of all things that startles Geri awake, the suddenly change in volume doing the trick. He looks up to see a blurry image of Sergio with a curtain rail in his hand and the curtains over his head, not quite what he was expecting first thing in the morning._ _

__“Is this a dream?” His voice cracking from sleep, audibly confused._ _

__“I wish it was,” Sergio tells him, even through he knows his words are muffled, as he attempts to fight off the thick curtains._ _

__“Want to try again?” Pilar asks, laughing from behind her camera. She was warned of course, but this wasn’t quite how she expected things to go. Maybe a little stumble as Sergio walked through the door, or a stubbed toe on the bed frame. Not a full curtain avalanche._ _

__Sergio nods at her enthusiastically, “it has to be perfect.” His reputation is on the line after all._ _

__The sounds of bones cracking draws his attention back to Geri, “does this mean I get to go back to sleep?”_ _

__~~~~~~~~~~_ _

__Sergio walks in once again, not caring about the door this time as he recognises it as a lost cause._ _

__“Morning darling,” he says louder than the last time, he doesn’t want any drama. He sits down on the edge of the bed by Geri’s head and starts to stroke his hair, aiming to bring him out of his sleep, but Geri just relaxes even more and snuggles into Sergio’s side. He isn’t anywhere near waking._ _

__“Dios mío,” Sergio whispers because why can’t they have five minutes of normality for once in their lives, is that really too much to ask? It’s time for his last resort. He picks up the Kosmos branded file that’s on the bedside table and hits Geri with it._ _

__“This is why we get more than 5 hours sleep! Get. The. Hell. Up.”_ _

__Geri lets out a scream so high pitched it’s comparable to a strangled cat before falling silent once more. He doesn’t even open his eyes._ _

__~~~~~~~~~~~_ _

__This time, they decide to approach things from a slightly different angle._ _

__“I’ll stay awake and pretend for this one,” Geri says smiling as if he’s come up with some genius plan._ _

__Sergio shifts on the bed so he’s sat properly facing Geri not just perched on the edge. “We need to get this right,” he says as his eyes wander up to Geri’s messed up hair and takes delight in knowing he’s partially responsible for how bad it looks._ _

__“I’m trying,” Geri whines, taking Sergio’s hands into his own, swinging their arms slightly from side to side._ _

__“You don’t even have to do anything, just wake up!” Sergio says with mild exasperation but it’s Geri. This was inevitable._ _

__“Well technically,” Geri begins, dragging out his words, “waking up is _something_ and therefore I’m putting a lot of effort in.” He finishes with an eye roll, acting like this is all so obvious and Sergio is the fool for not seeing it sooner._ _

__“Stop trying to be smart, just shut up and fake sleep,” Sergio pushes him gently, leaving Gerard sprawled out on the bed lying flat._ _

__~~~~~~~~~~~~_ _

__Sergio takes his first step into the bedroom, well technically his third, but that’s not his fault so he chooses to ignore it. Other people’s incompetence should be the last of his concerns. His shirt visibly creased after being thrown around by an uncooperative Gerard just moments before._ _

__He can see the corner of Geri’s mouth twitching slightly in the corner of his eye but he powers on anyway as if he can’t see, intent on not giving him the satisfaction._ _

__“Morning love,” his vast range of pet names really coming out today. He leans down to gently kiss Gerard on the forehead, so Geri does the obvious thing, he moans really, really loudly._ _

__Suddenly Sergio finds himself on Geri’s lap who has sat up faster than he ever has before, this is the type of enthusiasm we needed before he thinks, but perhaps not in this way. Sergio just gently taps him on the head in response as an act of displeasure and get his boyfriend to shut up, quite a relief to Gerard who would be the first to admit he was expecting worse._ _

__But as always Sergio can’t help but burst out laughing, witty comebacks in public are one thing but this is taking things to a whole new level._ _

__Geri sits up fully so his back is against the headboard, revelling in Sergio’s faint laughter. The little laugh he does when he’s really really happy, it doesn’t come out often so this chance can’t be wasted._ _

__“Sorry not sorry it just felt so _nice_ ”he says trying to sound seductive even though he’s now giggling just as much as his boyfriend, finishing his statement with a quick wink._ _

__Sergio just shakes his head, “right, last try now,” he declares and begins to count on his fingers, “no curtains, no files, no moans, nothing.”_ _

__He turns to both Geri and Pilar individually and in turn they respond with a short “agreed.” They aren’t very convincing but Sergio supposes that’s the best he’s going to get._ _

__~~~~~~~~~~_ _

__Sergio opens the door for the final time, taking a deep breath in and out before starting to move forwards, but one look at Geri is enough to crumble whatever small amount of resolve he had left and he dissolves into laughter. His boyfriend is midway through a rather overdramatic stretch and it’s not long before Geri joins Sergio with soft giggles._ _

__“We’re a mess,” Sergio manages to get out._ _

__Geri shrugs, still smiling at the extent of his own theatrics, “if nothing else at least we’ll have a great bonus content montage.”_ _


End file.
